Self to Self.
As human beings, we are naturally relationship magnets. I think you’d be lying if you were to say that you didn’t care about having solid friendships or companionships and that you’d be perfectly OK with no interaction with others. Most of us have a handful of relationships that are building blocks to the foundation of our support systems. If this is the case for you, maybe planet earth isn’t your true home, you alien. Just kidding, you aliens are more than welcome to stay on my blog and here on earth, of course. Who knows, you may pick up a new perspective if you keep reading on.
Nevertheless, relationships matter and are scientifically proven to shape the quality of our lives. Have you ever had a bad fight with a friend of yours? Did you seek out advice? Did you try to fix the issue? What about with a partner of yours? There are hundreds and thousands of articles dedicated to helping us improve the relationships with our employers, colleagues, classmates, partners, and friends. When was the last time you read an article that has to do with improving the relationship that matters the most...the one with yourself?
The relationship you have with yourself will shape the relationship you have with others as well as the dashes of unsorted traumas and wounds that desperately need healing. The relationship you have with yourself may be directly or indirectly altered by the traumas of your past. You don’t have to be ashamed of anything that you’ve gone through, or any hardships that you’ve endured. Personally, I think the strongest and most influential people have mastered the art of weathering the storm. Your hardships have shaped you into the badass person that you are today! A diamond cannot exist without pressure, after all. But even a diamond knows that it is a diamond, no matter its environment, or the finger it rests on, or the shelf it sits on. You should think of yourself in this same way.
Trust me, as a former member of the fluctuating confidence committee, I’ve had my moments where perfectionism over-powered the joy that I had for myself. Criticisms overpowered gratitude. Fear overpowered excitement. At one point in my life, it seemed that every day I had a negative thing to say about myself. Of course, the first step to healing this self-directed toxicity was acknowledging the issue that existed in the first place…
How can I tell if I have a positive or negative relationship with myself?
Think of the last 3 thoughts you had about yourself or the last 3 things you said about yourself (unprovoked by any opinions from an outside source), write these three things down. On a scale of 1 being very positive and 10 being very negative, where do you stand?
How do you define self-care? Write this down. Now, think about your life within the last month, how many times have you catered to yourself in this way?
Are you taking care of your body? Are you eating the foods that nourish your body are you elongating your life by exercising on a daily basis? Write down all of the foods you ate within the 3 days and all of the workouts you have done. Does the good outweigh the bad?
What are you feeding your soul? Think about all the media you consumed so far this year; whether it be music, articles, or television - how did this contribute to your thoughts?
Setting boundaries - Have you felt like someone has disrespected you this year? How did you handle this? Did you avoid the issue altogether, or did you seek out to have the triggering behavior corrected?
Comparisons - Are you content with the things you have or do you often compare yourself to others? Write down the last 3 comparisons you have made when it comes to others and yourself. What were these comparisons about? Why do you feel you made them?
After reflecting on these key points, ask yourself if you’ve been good to yourself lately? If the answer is “no” or that “I could have been better to myself”, don’t fret.
We have the ability to not only acknowledge patterns but to improve and fix the things we want to fix. If you are an individual that does not think you have anything to work on or improve on perhaps the relationship you have with yourself is built on ego. This is just as bad as being negative when it comes to yourself because a relationship built on ego is a relationship built on false confidence powered by fear. Your mask will fall one-day, so rip it off now! It’s okay to have areas that need improvement. It’s okay to not be perfect.
How do I strengthen the relationship that I have with myself?
Be honest with yourself - The first step to changing any toxic behavior or pattern that you may have is to be honest with yourself. Perhaps you keep pushing off the start date for when you will start working out, or you keep on buying snacks when you know you’re trying to eat healthier. Perhaps you are a little stubborn and haven’t given someone an apology they are overdue for. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge the areas in your life that require action. Remember, how your treat others (more directly when they aren’t looking) is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Proceed accordingly.
Constructive Criticism vs Toxic Criticism - It’s okay to critique yourself sometimes..just don’t overdo it. For example, if you worked out consistently for a month, and did not do a great job this week, do not stress yourself out about the week that did not go as planned. Instead, give yourself props for what you did right and how you will correct what you did wrong. Make a plan for how you’d like to make up for this whether it be cutting out a few snacks for the next few days to balance it out. It’s important to be your own accountability partner, but not to beat yourself up to the point of no return. Many of us sulk in these waves of regret and drown in negativity instead of revamping ourselves after a few mistakes. We are human. We are going to make mistakes. Be okay with this.
Forgive yourself for the past - The past cannot be undone, but the lessons that we learn from the past can reroute the road for our futures. You deserve to travel on the road of advancement, enrichment, enlightenment, and growth. If you keep repeating the same mistakes of the past and sulking in the atmosphere, you invite this energy to repeat in your life. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, declare yourself a new person, and proceed accordingly.
Be true to yourself - Remember, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship of all. Who are you really deep inside when no one is looking? What brings you joy, and what bothers you? Now, look at the people in your life... are they a true reflection of your best self or who you want to be like? Are you learning valuable lessons from these friendships and relationships that you have? Quality > Quantity every time. What’s the point of being friends with hundreds of people that serve no value in your life. Is a number really that important to you? Even the best gardener knows how important it is cut the weeds out to allow their gardens to flourish. Nurture and cater to the friendships that serve your soul and let go of what isn’t for your best self.
Take care of yourself - This is as straightforward as it reads. Take care of yourself, your spirit, your mind, and your flesh. We owe it to ourselves to stay disciplined when it comes to what we watch, read, eat, and do with our days. Make sure your feedings your mind, body, and spirit with the fruits of your labor. Make sure that labor promotes good health.
STOP the comparisons - Be honest with yourself to know when you are comparing yourself to others. Comparisons are the root of all unhappiness. You deserve a joyous life and one that is your OWN.
As human beings, we are presented with choices every day. So, I’m going to give you a choice, you can continue on doing what you are doing and not being good to yourself or you can follow the advice in this post and repeat after me.
“Today I am choosing myself above all else. I am honest with myself and right my wrongs when needed. I am proud of where I am at this moment and know that I will have everything I want in life because I work for the things I deserve. I know that I am in control of my destiny, and speak life into my life. I attract the things and people that are for me. I trust my intuition because the relationship that I have with myself is strong. ”
With Love,
Keara.
