Navigating through the 5 Love Languages.
Let's be real, almost everyone loves somebody (if this doesn't apply to you, you might be a psychopath or a sociopath, and perhaps this blog isn't the place for you). It's essential to know the love languages of the people you love - whether it's a family member, your closest friend, or a romantic partner. If you find that your effort in showing love is not being acknowledged, this may be because you are not showing love in the way your friend, family member, or partner needs it.
Imagine throwing a bone at a dog; they're immediately hit with a rush of exuberance; they begin to chase the bone, wag their tails as they pick it up, and really bask in this blissful moment. Perhaps you love doing this, and it's your favorite way to interact with your fluffy animal. It makes you feel appreciated! Then, you throw that bone at your cat, who scurries away and runs from fear. You don't get it, you thought you were doing something right, and your cat is frightened. What's wrong? Don't worry; there's nothing wrong with you as a person. You just have to do a little tweaking. Trust me; humans are much more complex than our fluffy friends, which is why it's important to not only know the 5 love languages but also how to navigate between the 5 in your different types of relationships.
What are the 5 love languages?
Physical Touch - Showing love and affection from a physical point such as a kiss, a hug, cuddling, holding hands, etc.
Words of Affirmation - Showing love and affection by offering words of encouragement, compliments, and verbal praises.
Quality Time - Showing love and affection by spending time with another individual without your mobile device being used as a distraction (remember it's quality time, not just time).
Receiving Gifts - Showing love and affection by gifting another individual with something that reminds you of them, they asked for, or something that they need.
Acts of Service - Showing love and affection by offering to do small acts of kindness for others; such as washing the dishes for your lover after they've had a long day, cooking your family's favorite meal, or washing your roommate's car because they've been too busy to take care of it themselves.
How can we use the 5 love languages in our personal relationships?
Romantic Relationships
Physical Touch - Does this one really need to be explained?
Words of Affirmation
Write your partner a letter, let them know everything that you appreciate about them.
Compliment your partner if you like how they look or something that they did. (We're not mutants, we can't read minds people!).
Offer words of encouragement when your partner talks to you about their dreams and aspirations.
Quality Time
Watch one of your favorite shows or a movie that you'd both enjoy together.
Buy a book that you'd both enjoy and spend an hour each day reading it.
Be invested in hobbies that aren't necessarily your own if your partner enjoys them.
Make a list of new hobbies you'd like to try together and tackle them one by one!
Receiving Gifts
Buy your partner something that you've noticed that they need or want.
Surprise your partner with one of their favorite items.
Make your partner something.
A song, a poem, etc. - you don't always have to burn through money to use this love language.
Acts of Service
Take care of that chore that your partner dreads.
Pick your partner up something from the store that you noticed could help them. Please don't get in trouble with this one; this doesn't mean you should go and buy your partner a gym membership when you feel they're getting big or lingerie because you want more intimacy; this is about them and not you.
Loyalty & Faithfulness - Be committed to your partner, both physically and emotionally. Never let anyone come in between the two of you ( I mean… unless you roll that way, I guess).
Platonic Friendships
Physical Touch
A hug or an embrace never hurts anyone, especially if your friend is going through it.
Words of Affirmation
Compliment your homegirls and homeboys… often express what you like about them! If you think they're a good friend, say it!
Guys, don't be weird; it's perfectly okay to compliment your friends. Perhaps you like their shoes or a new haircut that they got
In this digital age, even a like on social media and a nice "YASSS GIRL" under a photo can go a long way for some people.
Offer words of encouragement when your friend talks to you about their dreams and aspirations.
If you're proud of your friend for what they've accomplished, tell them!
Quality Time
Start a book club with your friends! - virtually or in-person.
Dinner & brunches- With COVID taking over all of our lives, this one may be a little trickier now than days in the past; however, there is no excuse. Schedule a dinner with a few friends, schedule a happy hour on Zoom with your friends. If you are lucky enough to live in the same city as your closest friends, don't take quality time… or food for granted.
Physical Fitness - A good friendship encourages you to be your best self, which includes physically. Workout once in a while, schedule a zoom class together, or go on a hike. Bonds are often expanded in nature!
Receiving Gifts
Birthday gifts can go a long way!
Cover the bill once in a while when you're out with your friend.
Acts of Service
Maybe your friend has complained about something, and you pick up a solution for them at the store. (Maybe your friend has horrible cramps during that particular, or horrid, time of the month. Pick them up some Advil and drop it off?)
Throw an event for your friend to celebrate their birthday or a goal they accomplished.
If your friend is low on money, and they need a ride somewhere, offer them a free ride.
Loyalty - keep your friends business to yourself. Whatever he or she tells you is between you two, even if the friendship doesn't last.
Family Relationships
Physical Touch
A hug or an embrace never hurts anyone!
Words of Affirmation
Tell your family member why they matter to you and how they have helped you over the years.
Tell your family member what you enjoy about their personality.
Congratulate your family on their successes - both big and small!
Post your family member and write a special message for them on their birthdays and other special occasions
Quality Time
Make dinner with your family! It's hard cooking for multiple people, and the bigger your family is, the harder it can be. Spend an evening making dinner together!
Physical Fitness - Encourage each other to get or stay in shape. If you love each other and want to see each other live a long life, this should be something you consider. Consider a family workout night on Zoom.
Receiving Gifts
Buy your family member a thoughtful gift on their birthday or their graduation day.
Cover the bill once in a while when you're out with your family member.
Pay for a spa day for your mom or for your little brother's haircut!
Acts of Service
Pay a bill for your dad for one month, maybe?
If your family member is having a hard time meeting new people, introduce them to some of your friends.
If your family member has a big dream, pick up something that will help them pursue that dream.
Maybe your little brother loves to sing, buy him a microphone and a recording tool.
Loyalty - Keep your family business private.
How can I tell what someone else's love language is?
ASK - The best way to find out someone's love language is by simply asking them. Never make assumptions!
Study their reactions - If you find the discovery process more fun, try a little bit of everything and measure their reaction to each love language type on a scale of 1-5. 5 being super happy and 1 being un-phased.
Ask them to take this quiz! - It's quick, easy, and precise! - Take one here.
Now that you have a little more insight when it comes to navigating your personal relationships using the 5 love languages give it a try! If you care about your friendships and relationships, you'll grow to understand that the way you show your love and affection may not be reciprocated. Maybe your love language is words of affirmation, but your friend's language is quality time. Don't be offended if your friend lets you know that they don't feel like you care; simply explain to them how you are and give them a little of what they need to. All good things require balance and effort. If you're okay having mediocrity superficial friendships for the sake of having people in your life, cool… whatever floats your boat, I guess. But if you want to establish more meaningful and deeper connections, you have to put in some work. After you do a little homework, the rest will be smooth-sailing.
