It’s YOU, not them.
Everything in life goes through transitions and we all experience phases throughout our existence that can either level us up along our journey or become stumps in the road. Believe it or not, not every phase in our life needs an audience. To put it shortly, there are just certain phases that we must go through alone. This was a hard lesson for me to learn as I was the type of person that suppressed my feelings whenever I was going through a whirlwind of negatives. I’d distract myself with quick thrills, hollow relationships, and crowded rooms, only to leave myself more broken than before. None of these experiences actually pushed me forward in life, and only became weights on my shoulders, pushing me down. It was near the end of my college years that I realized that sometimes the best way to level up is to distance yourself a little bit.
It’s important to understand yourself and understand when you are giving off an energy that is not reflective of your best self. Your best self is ambitious, powerful, confident, and strong. Your best self does not accept mediocre relationships and does not settle for less than you deserve. Your best self speaks to you with great conviction when you are falling off and your best self checks you when you are caving into the pessimism of your fear and insecurity. Your best self does not constantly compare to others, your best self does not make excuses that delay results. Do not be confused, human beings are imperfect. We all experience negative emotions at one point in our life, but it’s important that we catch ourselves before it’s too late. It’s important that we don’t invite others into our pools of pessimism, and that we learn to swim and rise above it alone. For example, imagine jumping into a 10 ft pool and you are unable to swim. Perhaps you’re okay jumping in if you have your floaties on, you know they will be there to lift you up. Perhaps you’re okay with jumping in and clinging onto the edge because if you happen to drift away, you know the lifeguard will come to rescue you. Now, what if you were alone? What if, for some reason, you’re at a point where you have to swim to the other side of the pool alone? Everyone else is a distraction when you have internal learning and healing to do.
When we spend more time alone with ourselves, undistracted by technology, we have time to recharge. We have time to listen to our thoughts, analyze our emotions, and reflect completely. If you haven’t been feeling like yourself lately, you’re not the only one. Just be mindful of what you do with this energy, because bottled-up emotion will explode one day, and bottled-up emotions cannot be hidden for too long.
How do you know when it’s time to work on yourself?
The feedback you receive from your loved ones is similar - If everyone is telling you the same thing, there is a reason behind this. If you’re blessed with loved ones in your life, be open to hearing their feedback, and reflecting on what needs to be done about it.
Nothing seems to satisfy you - There is way too much good in the world to always be disappointed and upset by everything. If you discover that you’re being more pessimistic than usual, it’s time to work on yourself.
You care too much about what others think - There’s always a deeper issue when it comes down to people-pleasing. Sure, you can be a nice person and genuinely want to make others happy, however, when you’re constantly putting others above you, there’s a deep-rooted issue there that needs to be discovered. We should all be the protectors of our own best interests. If you’re not holding your ground and placing boundaries down when needed, it’s time to work on yourself.
You are jealous of what others have - It’s okay to be inspired by others, but when you grow negative feelings towards others because of how they look, what they have, or who they are, you are not working through your best self. You are giving off bad energy, and you need to stop this as soon as possible. It’s time to work on yourself.
You wish harm on others - Stop yourself before it’s too late. There is both good and bad in this world, and if you have ill-wishes for others, you are succumbing to dark energy. I advise that you close this door right away, and spend time with yourself to work on your confidence. Your best self does not compare to others, simply because there is no one else like you.
How do you work on yourself?
Meditate - I am going to challenge you all to spend 5-10 minutes a day meditating. Remove yourself away from all distractions and spend time with yourself in a quiet area. Sometimes when our mind is full of negative thoughts and distractions, we just need to reset and recharge. This is a good way to do so.
Develop a new hobby/skill - If you find that your mind has been occupied with more of the negatives than usual, you may need to spend more time with yourself and develop a new hobby. Anyone who spends hours on hours each day discussing negative things or other people tends to not have a lot going on in their everyday life. Live a more enriched life by continuously sharpening your toolset, you will find your contributions to discussions will be more than the superficial norm.
Journaling - The thoughts that you have now are important as they tend to reveal a deeper meaning about where you are in the present. I’d recommend writing down your thoughts when you catch yourself comparing, criticizing, or judging yourself or others. Write down the time of day as well, and what was going on when this happened. Keep these entries private and take a look at your entries at the week’s end. You will then be able to learn more about your thinking patterns and find the cause for this behavior. It is only when you discover what’s wrong, that you can do something to fix it. Sometimes, you have to research yourself and act accordingly once your findings are discovered.
Prayer & Affirmations - Spend time each day asking God to work on your heart as well as showing gratitude and speaking good into your life. To start, you can spend the next week writing down three things you are thankful for or giving a prayer of gratitude. By doing this, you train your mind to be a more positive and confident person. We are all flawed, but it’s important to be kind to yourself. If you are not kind to yourself, you cannot be kind to others.
May you all continue learning more about yourself always, and doing the necessary things to address the areas within that need improvement. In order to be our best self, and give the best energy to others, we have to know that we cannot work off an empty or pessimistic cup. Sometimes it’s not everyone else that is out to get you, sometimes you are the problem, and sometimes you need to do the work.
Best of luck during your discoveries,
Keara
IG @ KearaSheree
